Wednesday, November 15, 2017

Rejected

Wednesday:

I'm feeling a bit cranky because I am still sick. Two weeks now! It is affecting my exam confidence. Five exams next week to study for. I was quite a lot better yesterday but this morning woke up with throat really sore again, aching legs, headache, fatigue, all as bad as ever. Frustrating. At least Jasmine has recovered from her relapse.

It's hard to know if stopping Duromine has had any physical effect because I'm feeling rotten anyway, it may be the cause of the upset tummy. Or not. But one I'm sure of is that the night sweats have immediately returned with a vengeance as they have every time I've stopped taking the tablets for a day or two. How many years does peri-menopause take? It's been at least... I'm not sure... four years so far? Maybe longer. At least four. Last night's accompanying stupid dream was about realising I'd left my school uniform by a swimming pool, on the other side of a shopping complex, and sending Aiden to get it but knowing he wouldn't be able to find it and that I was going to be late for school... We do wear uniforms all through our school life in Australia but not as an adult at a tertiary institution!

Thursday:

Dragged myself around TAFE today because it was the last week before exams and I didn’t want to miss last minute info, and we also had a timetabling session for next year. Sore throat and tired and horrible headache all day, even with Panadol. And then I got a call from the Intership people, I didn’t get it (Lauren did). I didn’t even think they were deciding yet, but clearly they did. A bit relieved because I don’t think I would have been able to work with the times they wanted, but mostly disappointed.

Slept in train on way home, and at home in front of TV. Most of my life sleeping atm.

Sunday, November 12, 2017

Three months

Monday:

My three months with the appetite suppressant Duromine (phentermine) are over. I didn't lose any weight this week (in fact 0.1 kg up), I don't think the tablets were having any affect any more but also I've continued to be sick all week so haven't exercised. But over the 12 weeks I've lost 9.6 kg, by far the most I've ever lost on any weight-loss strategy. I think that was well worth my relatively minor side effects of occasional nausea and constant dry mouth. But I'm kind of glad it's over, even 'relatively minor' side effects get pretty annoying after 12 weeks!

Starting weight 84.7 kg
Finishing weight 75.1 kg

This is the lightest I've been for at least 10 years. I am much more comfortable in my own skin, 15 kg overweight feels very different to 25 kg overweight. My goal is now to maintain that for a while over the Christmas period.

I'm on day 12 (I think) of this flu or whatever. I seem to get worse every time I exert myself at all. After a tiring afternoon yesterday I got much worse in the evening, and so did Jasmine. She's gone to school anyway because she has too much she can't miss, she said. It's such a busy time of year. She's got both her dance concert and the gymnastics State competition next weekend, with lots of rehearsals all week, so it's going to be really tough for her if she continues to feel unwell. She also has a test at school today plus sometime has to do the one she missed when she was away sick last week.

Saturday was when we'd planned to have our pool-warming party (second try) but by mid-week the weather forecast was pretty bad so we postponed again. Then the weather turned out quite nice after all! However I was still sick so all for the best. Hopefully in a fortnight it will all come together.

Sunday afternoon was Aiden's birthday party at one of those Laser Zone places where you run around in the dark shooting each other. He had some school friends but also Tim and a couple of uncles who are basically big kids anyway. There was a bit of awkwardness, grandad found out about the party - we hadn't invited him because it was really supposed to be a kids' party and also he he's been busy looking after Jo and has declined other invitations to things lately - and he wanted to come, I was really worried we'd hurt his feelings by not inviting him (we had a separate dinner for family to celebrate so he wasn't left out of everything!) so we organised an extra place but then he decided he wouldn't come after all!

I wasn't part of the Laser Zone party, I'd planned to get some more study time in with only two weeks to go, but was asked to babysit my nieces so Uncle Nick could be at the party (Ping was working). I took them to a kids' indoor playground next door along with cousin Veronica and her baby. It went better than expected, four year old Emma only had two tantrums (one about her hair clip coming out and no one was allowed to put it back in except daddy, who wasn't available; and one about wanting to take the pink balls from the ball pit home), and little Ashleigh was ok as long as she was glued to me and only cried when her big sister did. It was tiring though. Then family all came to our place for dinner to celebrate Aiden's birthday - well we have family dinner most Sundays anyway - and usually I love that but by then I was feeling tired and sore throat and quite unwell so I was glad when they finally all left, I was almost asleep on the lounge.

My plan is to sit and study and do as little physical activity as possible until I'm truly well. No moving rocks around in the garden! Rest and nutritious food.

Friday, November 10, 2017

Internship delay

Friday:

I got a call about the Internship today, basically they are delaying it until early next year and are not making a decision until everyone knows their schedules. It seems they could take both Lauren and myself, or just one, depending on availability, or that is the impression I got. It could be an issue for me if they want me there for normal work-day hours because it's a long commute and I have kids to be home for. But I'll wait and see when we talk again in January. Maybe if I time-share with Lauren it will work out. It's two months until they plan to call back - I'll worry about it closer to the time!

I was glad to get the call even though I didn't get a final answer, at least I don't have to worry about time management these last two weeks of TAFE with all my exams, and she gave me some more details about the job, and I don't have to check my email every half hour anymore!

I'm still feeling pretty rotten today. Headache and body ache and very tired. Urg. But by late afternoon some improvement.

My little boy Aiden's birthday! I can't believe he is eleven. Born 3:30am after five hours of labour (compared to 56 hours for Jasmine! My official records only count nine hours when the contractions were five mins apart or closer, but I count the whole time from when it started.) Aiden is still my baby. But eleven!

Wednesday, November 8, 2017

Chainsaw

Thursday:

I thought I was over the flu (or whatever it is) but continued to feel tired and needing a nap every afternoon. Exercise or anything strenuous made me feel dizzy and sick. Yesterday I felt worse, and Jasmine was home sick with it - so now the whole family has had it! - and today am worse again and stayed home from TAFE. It wasn't a good day to try to sleep, the council are doing some gardening just across the road - with chainsaws! And a woodchipper. Not kind on a headache.

I emailed my cataloguing teacher to ask for today's lesson and homework. I'd been increasingly worried about the exam I did last week considering I was coming down sick at the time, but turns out I got 100%! So I'm very relieved and happy about that. I was slow, but thorough, so that is ok.

The weather forecast for the weekend wasn't good, so we've postponed our pool-warming party again. Maybe we should have waited until summer in the first place, but we had some really hot days! Then cold and rainy. Now it's gone back to around 22C, quite nice but not really swimming weather.

OMG will they please shut up with the chainsaw already!!

Monday, November 6, 2017

Dragon

Tuesday:

We had a visit from a dragon today. I was out gardening and I had just edged around our resident blue-tongue lizard Grumpy (I wasn't scared of him, I just didn't want to disturb him) who was out getting some sun, when I saw a flash of extremely fast movement go up the rock wall and over the lip of the pool. So I walked around to the other side (no sudden movements) to see a water dragon clinging to the wall, unsuccessfully hiding from me.


It's a mineral pool, so it's not exactly drinking quality but shouldn't hurt him/her. It is good to know that despite us ripping just about every original plant out of the backyard and being a construction site for a year, the wildlife is still happy to live here.

I did an exam this morning, I do that subject online and it was multiple choice so I got my results straight away - 100%! It's worth 50% of the total for that subject - Copyright. So yay.

I thought 100% was pretty good, but then Jasmine came home and said she got 103% in her Spanish exam by getting everything right plus some bonus marks. Snotty kid.

Sunday, November 5, 2017

Getting lighter

Monday:

75.0 kg this morning! I am very happy with that. 0.5 kg loss this week, 9.7 kg loss total in 11 weeks on Duromine, one week to go - mainly the lower dose tablets. A good way to wean myself off them, if such a tactic is needed. I will miss the appetite suppressant effect and the extra energy (both have faded anyway) but I won't miss the constant dry sore mouth!

I was sick for about three days, better on Sunday. Which is when Tim came down with it! He's home sick in bed today. Aiden was only sick for one day, and Jasmine not at all (yet). We cancelled the family dinner we usually host on Sunday - now what do I do with roast lamb for 12? Lots of leftovers!

It's also been pouring rain for three days, so with sickness and weather I feel like I haven't seen the sun for a week!

I just realised that I had to set up a blog for a TAFE project and give two teachers access to it, and I think that means that if they wanted they could easily see this blog which is public and attached to my name... I hope I've only said nice things. I think so. I love all my teachers. They are all fantastic and smart and very kind when it comes to marking. Especially Gary and Mary - love you guys!

Friday, November 3, 2017

No Show

Friday:

I continue very tired, and now rather achy all over, and Aiden was also home sick today. This morning his voice was so hoarse he sounded like a heavy smoker. He’s much better this evening, but I’ve got worse as the day has gone on.

Unfortunately Tim and I were supposed to go out tonight, some time ago he bought tickets to see Guy Sebastian (he won Australian Idol about ten years ago, I think the first series) who we both like. We had some obstacles; difficulty finding someone who could babysit, my resistance when I found out I had to get to the venue by myself at night in the city and meet Tim there - Tim managed to solve all problems. But he couldn’t work around sickness. I'm never that keen on going out in the evening anyway, but I feel sorry for Tim who planned it all.

And now I’m worried about the exam I did yesterday. I thought it went ok at the time, but I did notice that I wasn’t one of the first to finish when I usually am. Today I feel so slow and foggy. I hope yesterday was just the slow part. I do know I added some extra information that wasn't strictly necessary, and also being puzzled over one bit for a while before I worked it out - talking to Lauren afterwards she didn't add the extra stuff and she thought the exam was easy... she finished way before me... and I don't actually remember checking over my work maybe I did... dammit I hate being sick!

I seem to be catching up on my sleep. Solid sleep at night, another nap this afternoon. can't keep my eyes open. This post has been written over several sessions.

That last job interview I went to, some weeks ago, I realised how shabby my “good” shoes had become. My usual footwear are sneakers, or a couple of variants of sneaker-like shoes. I have winter boots, and one good pair of black shoes which I keep in their box between occasional good-shoes-required events. But they had become rather scuffed and peeling, time for a new pair! Last week I went shoe shopping, a very rare occasion (I get new sneakers about once a year, anything else approximately never), and bought two pairs of shoes; comfy black almost-sneakers and fancier (and expensive) black shoes for work, should I ever get a job. When I got home I looked at the fancy ones again. What the hell was I thinking? Long and pointy with little black bows on the front? I was never going to wear those. So not “me”. I’ll be taking those back - I was planning to today except for being sick. Instead, I ordered online ankle boots that I’d liked in the shop except they only had brown ones and I wanted black. They arrived today and I love them. Now they are “me”. Here is the comparison me/not me.


I burned dinner tonight. Luckily salvageable. Just not thinking very well. But apologies if this post doesn't make sense.