Saturday:I made it through BodyStep again today despite the water-Nazi instructor. Man, that is a hard class. I was thinking today about how it is the hardest thing I do on a regular basis -- just shows how easy my life is!
I had a disturbing dream last night where I had chosen assisted suicide (no idea why) and they were going to hang me but when they put the rope around my neck I cried out "I don't want to die" so they took it off again. But the weirdest thing was that what stressed me most was that I hadn't chosen to live so much as chosen not to die, if that makes sense. It had been a very negative and cowardly decision (not wanting to die) rather than a positive life-affirming decision (wanting to live). I wandered in and out of sleep for the rest of the night worrying about it.
As usual the Step class exhausted me so I didn't do much for the rest of the day. Now it's Saturday night and I feel like I have wasted half the weekend.
photo by stopherjones
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